If you’ve read TMI 1, you already know a few things about me that I probably shouldn’t have shared in the first place – hence the title – and one that I’m pretty open about now that it’s been a few years. Namely, the fact I’m bisexual.
Well, here’s an update on that! First off, I’m not actually bi! I’m pansexual instead. What’s the difference? Well, not a whole lot, really, but for me, it means that I’m attracted to folks no matter what their gender happens to be. Male, female, nonbinary, agender, or whatever else? Doesn’t really matter to me so far as attraction goes. If you’re an adult human (or a sapient alien of some kind), there’s always a chance.
Now. On top of that are a few other things I haven’t been as public about, though I don’t exactly hide them. Let’s start with being nonbinary. I’m not male! I’m not female! I’m something in between, with bits of both, and bits of neither! For me, this means that, yes, I’ve been growing breasts for the last couple of years, and yes, it’s fine to comment on them when you see them. Nobody has, yet, unless I bring them up first. Probably something about politeness standards, but I don’t really know. As to surgeries, I have one in mind, but that gets into details that I shouldn’t share even in a TMI post, so I won’t. Let’s just say I’m aiming for something in between there, too.
I’m also polyamorous. That means I can have feelings for multiple folks at once, and I don’t try to hide it when it happens. I rarely act on any of them, mostly because most folks are mono-amorous (monogamous means one marriage, and I’m not even thinking about marriage at this point in my life), and also because most folks don’t reciprocate my attraction to them. Which is totally fine. 🙂 Consent is king and all.
Now, one thing to note, is that what these things mean for me is not what they mean for everyone they apply to. Gender and sexuality and attraction and related topics are ridiculously complex subjects, and I can’t hope to cover them all adequately here. There are tons of references online, though, that can easily help you out if you’re curious to know more!
All of this is stuff I’ve known for a few years, now, and just haven’t come out with very publicly. I’ve mentioned it in person a bunch of times, but not really online, at least not in any detail. Why is that? Mostly my mother. I really didn’t want to lose my relationship with my parents over who I am, and they were both heavily Mormon (aka LDS). In fact, Dad still is, but he’s always seemed more laid back about these kinds of things, to me, so I’m not as worried I’ll lose that relationship with him. We’ll see, of course.
So why now? That’s a tougher one. I’ve been meaning to write this post for a few months, now, and finally sat down to write it today. But what changed that I’m suddenly willing to share these details with the entire world, including complete strangers? That’s a bit easier to answer. My mother passed away in June.
Now, I’ve done all my grieving for that, much of it in advance. We had a good amount of time to say goodbye before she left this world behind, and I used it. Didn’t even notice I was doing it until after she was gone, and it didn’t hit with as much force as I’d expected. I miss her, and always will, but I’ve already dealt with the hard emotions. And I’ve discussed it with my counselor as well, for those who don’t believe me. I’m good, there.
But yeah, it’s my one regret that I never worked up the courage to say anything until she was already dying. I felt if I’d brought all this up then, it would have been more for me than for her, so I just left it alone. But now it’s time to open up the rest of the way about it, and that includes being public with you, the Internet as a whole.
It also means that I really need to bring these things up the next time my family is all together. Which means Christmas. Wish me luck with that one. I don’t expect any issues, but I still have to work up the courage to say anything. And then figure out how to explain these things, especially to my kids and niblings (Did you know that’s the word for “nieces and nephews”? And that it includes a sibling’s children whose genders aren’t male nor female? Now you do!), who are all under the age of 10. I expect them to care the least, to be fair, but it’s still a subject that has to be discussed carefully so they don’t feel left out of the conversation when it happens.
Anyway. I think that’s it for this post, so go well, and may the Winds guide you in your Journey!